I laid in bed last night dead tired. Wishing myself to sleep. Kept checking..nope im not dreaming I am awake. I’m really hot but I dont want to get up and check the air because then that definitely means I’m awake. But the air is on why am I sweating. Do I have scarlet fever or maybe the black plague. Well my last physicals checked out well so I guess they would have detected it. Although they did all tell me I suffer from anxiety. Maybe that’s whats going now. My body is working against me and giving me this weird adrenaline feeling while at the same time feeling dead tired. Oh yea I had a huge coffee earlier today to try to make myself feel like a semi normal functioning human. But my body is ridiculously sensitive to caffeine. I always seem to forget that in the moment. Sleep is one of my favorite things and without a significant amount of it I am not myself and I feel worthless…and dont have as much defense up to fight against the anxiety that glooms over me like the LA smog. I put in to action my best plan to make today productive.
Enter exhibit A-I will always get out of bed for you my dear
Eat read blogs eat read blogs..get sad as the bowl twindles..tell Rodney I actually feel sadness coming on..then it happens. Every. Time.
But my stomach was happy and so were my taste buds. And the walnuts are supposed to help brain function so im really counting on that today.
Enter exhibit B-
Such a vicious cycle. So now I feel human..maybe even productive..atleast for a few hours..
And because I am a big believer in the power of visualization I have been picturing myself at one of my most favorite..if not number one favorite..hotels. Gramercy Park Hotel in New York City…So so many good times. Incredible design. Invigorating. Inspiring.
Feast your eyes on all its bohemian glory. NYC has my heart.
Ian Schrager is a genius.
Insomnia I got something for you tonight…even if you are thinking about making an appearance..Ambien will be happening. Tomorrow I will be back to normal.