Archives for category: Life

Prince

I love LA

Thank you Costco

The last few days didn’t go the way I planned to say the least.  But such is life right.  After 3 years of my life in the comforts of a relationship I am going to be stepping out on my own.  Am I scared?  Very.  Am I strong and capable?  Very.  Will I be ok?  For sure.  Will it be tough?  For sure.  Do I still have a great friend in this person? For sure.  Time to put on my big girl pants and take care of business.  Sure there will be more tears.  But there will be a light.  I have support.  I have my faith.  I don’t have a bed or money to buy one but hey I have an air mattress.  I’ll be ok. I will be better than ok.  I will thrive. I will get back on my healthy train.  I will become the best version of myself I possibly can.   I cant wait to see what this great city of LA has to offer in my new beginning.

For now off in my little red corvette

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Happy Wednesday!  This has been a packed week.  Yesterday I had a rest day from exercise because I had a dinner date with a fabulous friend of to-go whole foods sushi + wine and Shameless on show time.  Already finished every episode before but starting over again because it is that good! Emmy Rossum at her finest. 

Rainbow roll my fave!!

Obsessed with this show!

 

I’ve been in a very reflective mood.  What is it about mid twenties that makes you question everything in your life.  Am I on the right path?  Am I with the right person?  What could I have done different in the past?  What really is my passion in life?  How do I actually make that happen?  Should I go back to school?  What If I never really get to use my degree that I love? If you’re anything like me those can change on a fairly regular basis.  I’m at a point in my life where I just feel kind of lost.  I have a feeling every day that I should be doing more.  Making more connections,  working harder,  exercising more, finding more outlets to pursue, joining a club, volunteering, reading more, etc. etc. etc. 

What I do know-

*I hate working in an office all day long being sedentary.  I go crazy.  I do jumping jacks in the bathroom to try to wake up.  I need more stimulation. 

 

*Yoga has changed my life.  Its saved my life.  I crave yoga.  I want to read about it, do it, and talk about it all the time. 

*I want to do a teachers training with every ounce of my being and just pursue teaching on the side and see where it leads me.

*I also know the training I want to do cost seen here http://www.equinox.com/Yoga/TeacherTraining/TeacherTrainingSession.aspx?id=49  $3500 (yikes) and that is a big pill to swallow.  If I could come up with it I would happily swallow that pill.  It’s just so daunting and at times seems so impossibly far away.

*I am meant to help people.

*I do believe if you put out into the world what you really want and visualize it happening it will come back to you in some way.

*Mediate Often

*I need to get my finances in order.  Financial peace of mind is HUGE. I had a past where I was immature with money and blew through way to much of it.  While now I am stable and can pay my bills and live.  I cant live as comfortably as I want.  I can’t get rid of the anxiety credit card debt causes..until the debt is actually gone.  So is staying at a job now that I don’t love but will help my reach my financial goals ok?  Or should I be still trying to get something I love even if it were less money. 

With Suze all things are possible 🙂

*When I graduated college with my degree in Interior design I wanted to work for a hospitality design company.  Designing hotels was all I wanted to do.  Well a couple of years in and a bad economy that dream never came through.  I have never had an opportunity to build a working portfolio that is so badly needed for the type of job I want so I just feel behind and deflated.

Ready to take on the world…or something like that…

*Applying for jobs is stressful.  After awhile It makes you question your worth and really mental stability.  So once you finally get a job its ok to just chill for a while.  Even if it’s not what you wanted.  It’s a job.  A lot of people can’t even get a  job right now.  It’s ok to relax.  But to what degree.  I’ve relaxed for over a year now because I just needed to gain experience and stability. 

*You can’t settle.  Period.

*I don’t have the most go getter personality.  It’s easy for me to get complacent.  I am a person that needs a regular kick in the ass.  A dose of daily motivation is good for everyone.  Doing this through podcast has really helped me.

*Leaving it all in Gods hands really takes a lot of pressure off.  Trusting that I am on the right path for me right now.  But I also know God can’t work in your life with inaction.  He will put things on your heart but you MUST act

*Comparing yourself to others is NOT productive in any way.  You are not them.  You are you for a reason.  If there are things about other people’s life you are envious of its ok to take steps to make those things present in your life.  You can only be the best version of YOURSELF. 

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. ”  James 3:14-16

*Exercise helps every aspect of my life.  It keeps me positive and motivated.  I feel good about myself.  I constantly have goals and something to work towards.  I get a huge sense of accomplishment.  A good sweat can clear your mind and ease anxiety.  Nike said it best…Stop making excuses..

*I’ve figured out so much about my life during a run.

*I am in Los Angeles for a reason.  I must take full advantage of what this city has to offer. I am always inspired by people here.  Everyone you meet is chasing after one dream or another.  People dream BIG here.  People make things happen here.  You NEVER know who will come into your life from one day to the next that could possibly change everything. You learn ALOT about yourself in LA.  You grow up ALOT here.

*Stepping out of your comfort zone is the only way to grow as a person and achieve what you want.  Whether it be going somewhere by yourself, moving across the country, having to start over and make new friends, learn to live away from your parents, making that important phone call, standing up for your self,  or even just expressing yourself in a different way.  Living in a cocoon is safe.  And comforting.  But that’s it.

*I miss my family.  ALOT.  I deal.

* I know its ok NOT to know where I want to be in 10 years. 

*It’s also OK that I am not engaged, married, pregnant, or having a child now like majority of people I know and grew up with.  Their path is not mine and that’s ok! I have a wonderful boyfriend who I am happy with and if my maternal gene never kicks in that’s ok! I will have 5 dogs and a horse.

*Being 25 is tough.  But it is also a ton of fun!!!!

Off to eat lunch.  Toying with the idea of trying food blogging?  We shall see.

Looking forward to a great workout tonight at equinox then a relaxing night at home.  Very exciting plans for tomorrow!!

I laid in bed last night dead tired.  Wishing myself to sleep.  Kept checking..nope im not dreaming I am awake.  I’m really hot but I dont want to get up and check the air because then that definitely means I’m awake.  But the air is on why am I sweating.  Do I have scarlet fever or maybe the black plague.  Well my last physicals checked out well so I guess they would have detected it.  Although they did all tell me I suffer from anxiety.  Maybe that’s whats going now.  My body is working against me and giving me this weird adrenaline feeling while at the same time feeling dead tired.  Oh yea I had a huge coffee earlier today to try to make myself feel like a semi normal functioning human.  But my body is ridiculously sensitive to caffeine. I always seem to forget that in the moment.  Sleep is one of my favorite things and without a significant amount of it I am not myself and I feel worthless…and dont have as much defense up to fight against the anxiety that glooms over me like the LA smog.  I put in to action my best plan to make today productive.

Enter exhibit A-I will always get out of bed for you my dear

whipped banana oatmeal with vanilla protein and chia seeds

Eat read blogs eat read blogs..get sad as the bowl twindles..tell Rodney I actually feel sadness coming on..then it happens.  Every. Time.
But my stomach was happy and so were my taste buds.  And the walnuts are supposed to help brain function so im really counting on that today.
Enter exhibit B-
 Such a vicious cycle. So now I feel human..maybe even productive..atleast for a few hours..

Dork. Oh Hi lady coming out of the bathroom yes I am randomly taking a picture like this.

And because I am a big believer in the power of visualization I have been picturing myself at one of my most favorite..if not number one favorite..hotels.  Gramercy Park Hotel in New York City…So so many good times.  Incredible design.  Invigorating.  Inspiring.
Feast your eyes on all its bohemian glory.  NYC has my heart.
 
Ian Schrager is a genius.
Insomnia I got something for you tonight…even if you are thinking about making an appearance..Ambien will be happening.  Tomorrow I will be back to normal.
Happy Tuesday